LOSING CONTROL OF THE PLAN

There’s so much I feel like I want to talk about right now, it’s kind of crazy. So, here I am! It’s currently been 17 days since I last left my house due to the COVID-19 quarantine. So much has changed in the last 17 days that I’m not even sure where to begin.

I’m starting to get used to being at home and working remotely. I’m an extrovert, so finding energy is pretty hard. I’ve had two days thus far where I woke up with zero energy or drive. You don’t realize just how much getting out of the house and around other people affects your energy until you’re forced to stay inside. I’ve learned that on those days, it’s just better to work in bed. I try to keep up a “getting ready” routine, but on the days when I feel low, I need to just grab my laptop in bed. We found out the other day that graduation commencement is canceled, and that really didn’t help.

Most people who know me know I’m constantly planning things. I carry my Passion Planner everywhere I got, put my plans into every device calendar I have and am constantly populating Pinterest boards with ideas. It’s easy, during this season, to think “nothing is turning out the way I planned!” I had such high expectations for this year. I wanted to spend time with friends, go on trips that would bond us, celebrate graduating college with my friends and family, and move back to Orlando. I had outfits envisioned, suitcases purchased, poses chosen for photos, and announcements designed. Not a single one of those is happening. It’s a hard reality to face for a planner. I’ve had to white-out so much in my planner for the next few weeks, and it’s honestly depressing to dwell on. We’re in a state in the world where planning literally anything is practically impossible. Things are continuously changing and we don’t know what we’re going to face tomorrow. Losing control in this way has been a hard pill for me to swallow.

However, I know this season is teaching me. Through continuous change, disappointment, and grieving, I will learn. I will learn to be happy with living in the moment. I will learn to cherish what I have even more. I will learn to keep rising. I will learn to let go of control. The truth is, the plan has never been mine. God has had a plan for my life since day one. A plan I try my best to follow, but a plan that will inevitably be greater than I could even start to imagine. If I just keep listening and dreaming, I’ll find my way to the ultimate plan.

There will be more bumps in the road. What the world is experiencing right now has changed everything. Society as we know it will likely never be the same. So, apparently, the world was in need of a big change. Even if we can’t see it right now behind all the statistics, sorrow, and disappointments, the future is bright. Think of how much stronger we’ll all be once we make it through. We are quite literally living through what will be chapters worth of future generations History books. It’ll be quite the story to tell one day!

In the meantime, I will continue going day-by-day. I’ll stay at home, social distance, and wash my hands to help keep from spreading this nasty virus and try to ignore my hypochondriac voice in my head. I’ll try my best to find the bright spots in the midst of this crazy time. It can be hard to be thankful right now, but it’s important to take note of even the small things. Here are some of mine:

• Catching up with my DCP friends that will always be family, no matter the distance.
• Having a yard to wander around in for some sunshine.
• The time to pick up some new hobbies and get things done.
• Stray cats trusting me to be their friend.
• The Comfy my mom bought me. AKA – my quarantine universe.
• Access to healthcare & all those who are working it.
• My family doing their best to keep us all sane while in a house together.
• Vlogs that make life seem more normal.
• Nintendo Switch & Animal Crossing (my new obsession – add me as a friend on Switch).
• My friends who I’m able to stay in touch with via phones, Zoom, & Snapchat.
• Having a space to stay healthy & safe.

Don’t forget to take a moment to be thankful during this season. It may feel like we’re all living through a nightmare, but we’ll wake up from it into a new tomorrow.

❤ / Bail

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A Life Update | The Final Year

So, it’s been a little bit of time since I’ve gotten the chance to sit down and write for myself. Senior year is no joke! I went into it with a rather large senioritis complex that was immediately shot down when I had to write a 15-page paper within the first week. Yeah, not what I expected. In order to help me chronicle my senior year (and force me to make more time to write for myself) I want to start somewhat of a series entitled “The Final Year.” It will be something I can look back on and also hopefully help others as they enter their final year of college & all the stress that comes with it.

Coming back to school was a lot weirder than I expected. I put a lot of pressure on going back to school, hoping it would make the transition home from Disney a little easier. What I didn’t think about was how weird it would feel to be back on campus. I low-key felt like a Freshman when I was walking around and re-associating myself with ETSU. It wasn’t until I started hanging out with friends and getting to know my classmates better that I actually began returning to a semi-normal human being.

Things have been overwhelming as I tried to balance classes, working two jobs, dog sitting, and trying to force myself out of the funk I’d been in all summer. Some of the classes I thought would be fun electives to take were turning out to be WAY more busywork than my senioritis expected. In the same sphere, I am loving my capstone class this semester. We’re getting hands-on experience working with clients and I have two of the best professors I could have hoped for co-teaching the class. When I found that out, I was SO excited!

I’m finally finding my rhythm again and am starting to feel more normal. The post-DCP depression also seems to be lowering its toll on my life. I still get feelings of sadness and missing my favorite place on earth and all my friends who are now scattered across the country, but Johnson City is starting to feel more like home again. I’m hanging out with friends more and forcing myself to get out and stop sitting in my room watching DCP vlogs all evening.

Other than post-DCP depression, my time at Disney has also given me a renewed sense of passion in what I’m doing. I actually joined my department’s club that I’d been meaning to join since Freshman year, am an account executive for my group’s capstone project, and overall am thinking more and more about where my niche and desire to be is in the world of Advertising, Public Relations, & Communications. I’m also considering grad school, which if you could tell freshman me that I would have laughed right in your face. By the end of the semester I may be singing a different tune, but it’s something I’m looking into as a possibility for after May.

Some other fun life updates:

• I got new glasses & have actually worn them on a consistent basis. Apparently, what normal people could see at 100 ft away I have to be 20 ft or close to see. Whoops! So, sorry if I’ve squinted at you from a distance recently. It’s not that I was judging you, I just couldn’t see who was there!
• I still miss Disney. I’m still hoping to return to work for Disney. I’ve been looking into Professional Internships for post-grad life, but I need to take a pause from overthinking it all and try to enjoy this semester and the time I have left before applications open in January.
• Along with working at First Christian Church again, I have accepted a position with Trinity Arts Center helping create and manage social media content! I have a lot of love for TAC as it was my second home where I danced six days a week for eight years of my life. It’s really refreshing to be back and in a new way utilizing what I’m studying! Super grateful for the opportunity!!
• One of my best friends, also known as my DCP twin, Emily is coming to visit me in my hometown next weekend!! I’m so excited to show her around small town, Southern USA and just be able to spend time with her before she moves back to Australia in January.
• I’m back on that pet sitting grind so I’ve gotten to hang out with a bunch of adorable furry friends!
• I may or may not have a return trip in the works to hit up a Disney Christmas Party…fingers crossed!!
• Despite the animosity I have towards the impact it’s had on my tuition, I finally went to an ETSU football game! Figured so much of my money went into building that stadium I should at least sit in it once.
• I’ve started learning how to cook like a real adult! If you know me, you’ll know this is quite the accomplishment as I usually burn scrambled eggs. Shout to Hello Fresh for making it super easy & fun!

Coming home from Disney was a way bigger challenge than I’d expected. While I’ve been struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, chronic illness, and general adjusting, I think I’m finally getting to a place of normality again. I’m discovering new passions, reviving friendships, and finding ways to help my mental health. I hope that whether you’re facing a similar season of challenges, you see a light at the end that is pushing you towards something better!

❤ / Bail

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A LIFE UPDATE | DCP SPRING 2019

First of all, sorry I’ve been a little MIA on the updates. I know a lot of people back home have enjoyed staying connected through reading my posts (at least I hope so). I’ve been a little busy! Between work, school, and hanging out with friends, I haven’t had much time to myself. But, here I am, back on the blog with a life update. Buckle up, because my brain is ready for a dump.

Time is a weird concept. I think I say that a lot, but especially recently. As I continue to settle into life in Orlando, I’m constantly surprised by time. The days run together and the thoughts of what my life used to be are becoming fainter. Every day that I drive into work underneath the Walt Disney World sign I have to pinch myself as a reminder that this isn’t always what my life has been like. My program is going by so fast, and yet it feels like I’ve been here forever. That’s something I’m not too mad about either. I’m glad this place feels like home.

I was looking at my Snapchat memories and “on this day” last year was the last time I was in Orlando. I was here with a group of amazing people from First Christian Church for a conference called Exponential. On that day I was having so much fun with people I love and didn’t have a clue where my life would take me. One year later and I’m back in Orlando, have been living here for over a month and a half, and am working for Walt Disney World. Crazy, right? I can’t believe that was a whole year ago and how much has changed since then.

I do miss home and the people there. I miss my family and friends. I miss my cat and all the fur babies I pet sit for. I’m extra thankful for things like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and FaceTime that keep me plugged into people’s lives back home so I don’t have such a big case of FOMO.

I’m also thinking a lot about the future. Do I want to apply for a DCP extension and stay in Orlando through the Summer? Is Orlando where I want to move to post graduation in 2020? Do I want to do a professional internship with Disney at some point? All very important questions that I need to try and figure out. I know whatever happens, it is God’s plan, but it’s easy to start to worry and contemplate.

For now, I’m just taking things day by day and trying to soak up every moment that I can. I’m still in love with where I work and the people I work with. Of course, there are hard days when dealing with thousands of people, but the magical moments like having a kid exclaim, “this has been the BEST DAY EVER,” make them seem so much smaller. My coworkers also make coming to work every day a joy. I honestly miss them when I’m off (but enjoy having time to rest, shop, & explore). They’re quickly becoming some of my favorite people and close friends. I can’t say enough good things about how this program is going.

I hope everyone is doing well! I miss all y’all in Tennessee, and am sending you my love.

❤ / Bail

PRO & CON LIST ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

I love making lists. Lists make things organized, easy to read, and fun! While I was thinking of a different way to write about everything going on in my life right now, I thought why not make a list? It’s good to remember what you’re thankful for & acknowledge what you’re struggling with every now & then. So, here are 3 of my pros & cons that are going on in my life right now.

PROS (things I’m super thankful for that make me smile extra big):

MY JOB – I just love my job. The work that I’m doing pairs perfectly with what I’m learning in classes so I’m getting “real world experience” that I also find extremely enjoyable. Plus, the people that I work for are just the best. They’re some of the funniest & most talented people I know. I’m so thankful for how they continue to pour knowledge into me, lift me up, & bless my life.

GOOD HEALTH – *Knock on wood* I HAVEN’T BEEN SICK SINCE NEW YEARS! This is a huge pro considering my health track record from last year. Two solid months with no significant illness is really good for me. Hopefully, this is a good sign for the rest of the year!

SCHOOL – I’m really proud of myself for staying on top of things this semester. I have been working really hard to keep school my first priority (sometimes I let work get in the way because I think I’m ready to be a full-blown businesswoman adult) & I haven’t slipped up so far. My dedication is being reflected in my grades which makes me super happy.

CONS (things I’m struggling with & trusting that God is working on something through):

I MISS TWO OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE – this has probably been the biggest struggles recently. My Dory (we call each other Squishy & Dory from Finding Nemo) has been off in Australia kicking butt & taking names. I’m super proud of everything that she’s doing & know she’s having a great experience, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss being able to see, call, & text her. I am, however thankful for Snapchat keeping our convos (although brief) alive. I can’t wait to reunite in May & go on many Summer adventures. Preston is also still living in Montana and although we text every single day, I cannot wait for him to move back to Tennessee. It’s really hard when you can’t see some of your favorite people in person. I just really wish they were both here. I know through this God is testing my patience in the waiting  & strength.

FINALS ARE IN ONE MONTH – Where has time gone? It just hit me how close finals are & I don’t think I’m ready for them to be so soon. They come at the end of every semester, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how fast each semester goes by. Godspeed & go Bucs to all my fellow ETSU students in this one month we have left.

MY DOG ISN’T DOING TOO WELL – It’s a hard reality I have had to try & grasp. My dog is dying. He’s 14 years old so this shouldn’t be unexpected. Nevertheless, it absolutely breaks my heart. He’s started not being able to stand and just falls randomly & cries. I know once he’s gone he’ll be with his dad (my uncle Bobby) in heaven but it’s still hard to grasp he’ll be gone. Especially with my best friends not being around I’m beginning to sink into a feeling of loneliness knowing my Buddy will likely be gone soon too.

What are some things your thankful for or could use some prayer about right now?

xx,

Bails

 

 

 

ULTRASOUNDS, LONG-DISTANCE, & FLORIDA (LIFE UPDATE)

Well hey there, long time no type….yeah I guess that sounds okay. HELLO! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve sat down and fully processed what’s been going on in my life recently and the best way I know how to do that is via blogging, so here I am. What’re the haps? I’m giving you the 411. Warning: this is going to be pretty random as my brain is tired & sometimes it’s just a good thing to not edit out your weirdness! Plus my internal dialogue is extra loud today and if I don’t let it out who knows what I may blurt out in person. No one wants that.

ORLANDO – Currently, I am sitting in a hotel room in Orlando, FL after just taking a Philosophy test that I was completely unprepared for but I did well so no worries. No, this is not a Spring Break Trip, Spring Break is actually next week but my professors kindly let me skip classes this week in order to attend the Exponential church planting conference. It’s been an amazing experience so far. I am learning a lot, questioning my life choices (in a good thinking about the future way) and getting to know people better which is my all-time favorite activity.  Plus, Florida holds a near and dear spot in my heart (particularly Universal Studios & Disney) so I am very happy to be here.

ULTRASOUND – Two weeks ago today I did something that was rather scary and finally went in for the ultrasound that I rescheduled from October (oops). My OBGYN had said she was 99.9% sure I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and after struggles with different medications and just wanting to know I had an ultrasound to get a clear picture. First of all, no one told me how much ultrasounds suck. They look all fun and dandy in movies with the gel and just rubbing your stomach, but it is a lie! You have to have a full bladder for the procedure. That means I had to drink 32 fl oz of water and not pee an hour before my appointment. Then, the tech proceeds to push down on your bladder repeatedly in order to take images of the ovaries and what-not to the point where I was concerned I was going to pee on the exam table. It was not enjoyable, but it needed to be done.

I MISS MY BEST FRIENDS – Remeber when I wrote a post in January about maintaining intentional friendships? Well, it’s really hard to do that when one of your best friends is across the country in Montana and another is across the globe in Australia. I’m really proud of Sarah for chasing her dreams & having the adventure of a lifetime across the world, but I do miss having my bestie gal close by. The other person I’m closest to (outside of family) is Preston who currently lives across the country in Montana. We have known each other since middle school, but in August of 2016, we reconnected and don’t go a single day without texting each other. As much as I love our daily conversations, it is really hard with him being so far away. Consider me old fashioned but I value face-to-face connections and time spent. He & his family are actually in the process of moving back to Johnson City, which I am THRILLED about, but are having trouble getting their house sold. With both of my closest friends being not nearby & not seeing my CC gals much anymore there’s been a growing hole in my heart. I know they’ll be back soon but I need help in trusting in God during the waiting.

GRADUATION?! – Um, yeah I made a graduation plan the other day. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read an email from my advisor saying it was time to do that. We talked about all the classes I need to take, when to take which classes, and talked about a possible internship opportunity in Washington D.C. It all made me feel really excited to join the “real-world” but also get smacked in the face with the nostalgia of where the time has gone. I’m still trying to decide what I’m going to do post-graduation but I have until December 2019 to figure that one out.

There’s a mini life update for you. It’s very random but I’m tired and needed to get some things off my head. I hope you all are doing well & remember how loved you are.

xx,

Bailey